Stillbirth Poems - A Note to Julien
This tender stillbirth poem was sent to us by Tammy who lost her beautiful baby boy due to placental abruption just 4 weeks before he was due.
A Note to Julien
At 36 weeks, less than a month left to go,
Our water had broke, it was time for a show!
Early indeed, but ready to proceed
with the birthing process, till we started to bleed.
Placenta abruption caused your death, we now know.
Both of us clinging to life, as blood started to flow.
Why is this happening... why is your heartbeat so low?
Doctor assured me it was great just a few hours ago.
No God, I beg you, it's not his time to go!
Take me, take me, please let my Julien grow!
Why spare my life, but had to take his?
My heart can't recover, it has nothing left to give.
I'm sorry, I won't easily forgive,
When you gave me no reason and didn't allow him to live?
As I awoke, I spoke to a nurse.
I expected bad news, but this was the worst.
By the look on her face, I shouldn't have asked -
I already knew that my son had just passed.
Your brother is not sleeping, were some hard words to say,
As they held you in their arms, where you so comfortably lay.
Envisioning their future with you slowly fading away,
When we had to explain that you weren't able to stay.
I'm so happy I got to hold you, even though it was brief.
You looked so peaceful, like in a comfy sleep.
Surreal to think, I will never get to hold you again.
I'm still in shock, in absolute disbelief!
Oh how I wish I could have taken you home,
Rocked you to sleep as I sang you a song.
But reality has set in, my dreams are now gone.
I can no longer hold you in my arms, where you truly belong.
Mommy's arms are empty with no baby to hold.
My heart feels so heavy, destroyed and so cold.
I have nothing left, only sadness inside.
A heart forever broken the day that you died.
Coming home to an empty nursery was especially tough,
Without baby in hand, it's just a room full of stuff.
If I'm being punished, why be so rough?
Losing my baby, wasn't THAT hard enough?
What will I do, when I see people that knew
Start asking questions about what happened to you?
I'm just not ready to explain the loss of my son -
Not to friends, nor family, not ready to talk to anyone!
They say things happen for a reason, then give me ONE!
Cause this mother can't handle the loss of her son.
I guess I am left with no explanation,
Only feelings of anger, grief and frustration.
What now, how do I move ahead?
When it's a struggle just to get out of bed.
I keep seeing mothers-to-be,
Possibly the hardest thing for me to see.
Especially now you are no longer inside of me.
My body unaware that you were away,
Mommy's milk still came in today.
Bonding between mother and child, what I desperately need,
Now a painful reminder, there's no baby to feed.
A handful of pictures, is all that I've got.
Never will there be photos of you as a tot.
A two page scrapbook may not seem like a lot,
Rest assured, it will show all the love that you brought.
I wish I could say,
It will be okay.
But life is so cruel,
When it took away my baby Jul.
Someone explain, please tell me why,
My sweet little baby needed to die.
How is this fair, shouldn't I have at least heard him cry?
Even worse, never got to tell him goodbye.
~ Tammy Piccolo Lee
If you would like to recommend a miscarriage poem or story, or contribute one of your own, please contact us and we'll add it to the site. Thanks.
Further Information on Miscarriage and Stillbirth
The Miscarriage Association, ph 01924 200 799, offers support and advice to women, their partners and families who have experienced miscarriage. They have articles covering how you might feel after a miscarriage, special circumstances, trying again as well as by mothers who have experienced miscarriages.
SANDS is an organisation which can offer you support when your baby dies during pregnancy or after birth.
Read more Miscarriage Poems
If you would like to contribute a miscarriage poem or story, please contact us and we'll add it to the site. Thanks.