Stillbirth Poems - Emily Jane Cassandra Chapman
We've just received this beautiful stillbirth poem written by the mother of baby Emily Jane Cassandra Chapman who was born sleeping at 26 weeks. Her mother told us she has found the site very helpful as she comes to terms with her loss and it's lovely for us to know that the poems are helping grieving parents.
Emily Jane Cassandra Chapman
Laying on the table getting an ultrasound,
Looking for a heartbeat, can't find a sound.
Nothing's making sense, everything's a blur.
Getting told your baby girl isn't here with you anymore.
You don't know what to say, you don't know how to feel.
All you do is beg that none of it is real.
You're about to birth this child, who's as still as can be.
Your mind is racing, terrified, you don't want to see.
I'm laid in the hospital bed telling the midwife that this baby is coming,
I don't understand it. Why isn't this lady rushing?
That's when it hits, the fact that this baby has died.
Our little girl will never lay in our arms alive.
Once she's out and there is no cry,
You're too scared to look because you know you'll eventually have to say goodbye.
This moment in your life is your best and your worst.
You get to meet this angel,
But not before she goes to heaven first.
There are no words that can explain it, this baby is ours.
Why can't we keep it?
I'll never see her grow,
I'll never hold her hand,
I'll never get to hear her say these words: 'Mum' or 'Dad.'
Never get to talk,
Never get to hug,
Never get to tell her, that she's my special one.
It took me days to cry, while in the hospital, I didn't know why.
It was because she was beautiful, I was happy to meet her.
How can something so perfect make me feel any differ?
The sadness hits when you go home, your life has changed,
You feel so alone. Anything you do, it doesn't feel right.
My belly isn't big, and there's no baby in sight.
Your mind can't process the tragedy that's stricken,
This isn't my life.
Why did this happen?
You were pregnant with a baby, a heartbeat and all.
You're excited to meet them, to give them cuddles and more.
You've bought all these clothes that will never be worn,
You've got a mattress that leans on the bedroom wall.
All these reminders of what you won't have,
You just want to wake up. You want your baby back.
It's hard to know where to go from here, everything feels pointless.
You live day by day, and you make stupid choices.
You don't feel the need to try to get anywhere,
Because even if you do, you know why you're there.
It's because she isn't here, you don't have a baby to look after.
You are free to do what you want,
You're a childless mother.
I beg and I pray for her to visit me while I'm asleep,
If I can't have her here,
Can't she be in my dreams?
I want to see her smile, know what she'd turn out to be like.
Even just to know that wherever she is, she will be alright.
Heaven will hold her before we do,
But baby just know that I'm up there with you.
~ Claire Marie Devaus
If you would like to recommend a miscarriage poem or story, or contribute one of your own, please contact us and we'll add it to the site. Thanks.
Further Information on Miscarriage and Stillbirth
The Miscarriage Association, ph 01924 200 799, offers support and advice to women, their partners and families who have experienced miscarriage. They have articles covering how you might feel after a miscarriage, special circumstances, trying again as well as by mothers who have experienced miscarriages.
SANDS is an organisation which can offer you support when your baby dies during pregnancy or after birth.
Read more Miscarriage Poems
If you would like to contribute a miscarriage poem or story, please contact us and we'll add it to the site. Thanks.